Hi Everybody! Back to blogging after a short Hibernation. Inspiration to this blog..none other than our great eight leggie swamiji paulananda.
I am addressing this blog to my mollusc friend paulji on behalf of all Indians;) who are very much impressed by his Oracle ;) rather than the FIFA games with Jabulani .
My dear rev Swamiji,
Today's morning headlines have upset me more than the soaring veggie price.;) Are u planning to retire?
NO! Swamiji ! I am not able to bear this news ,tears rolling down my eyes with pain;),I invite u to India.
These Germans are thankless to u.Just bcos you had predicted their defeat against spain ,they want you to boil in soup or on seafood platters. How cruel? We Indians are not thankless creatures like them,even though if you had predicted India's defeat in cricket world cup(that too against pak), we would have hailed you as a hero,because for us Indians ,predictions are more important than India's Victory :)
So,please extend your tentacles to Indian shores. Here you ll have a prosperous career. If you want,I can be your guide/spokesperson in India.I have typical thought process of an average Indian, So I guarantee you immediate celebrity status in Indian soil.
First I ll stitch a silky ochre eight legged garb for you.(Cotton ochre is for real saints;) not for money making swamijis):) from fashion designers like Manish Malhotra or Ritu kumar so that your value will shoot up instantaneously with our Fashion conscious Indians. (Ignore the langot clad BPL Indians,I am not interested in their clientele..I am more interested in the moneyed Socialites of India for our business venture).
Scope of your business will vary from predictions of Bollywood releases to matching matrimonial kundalis.
Fate of Duds like "Raavan"/Ram gopal verma's movies will be easy for you to predict even before it's shooting starts.;) So,You need not take much pain in such predictions.
I suggest you to give some other starting letter for Rakesh Roshan's & KJO 's movies and Ekta kapoor's silly,boring serials other than "KKKK". Because I am tired of KKKKKKK now :)
We can also mint money by suggesting lucky colors for our politicians. Take TN CM Karuna for example,He rode his Anti Superstition chariot to the power and today he is so madly obsessed with yellow colour, that entire Classical Tamil conference had a designer Jaundice look :).
But Beware of Sting operations paulji! If any hidden camera finds you in any mischievous position with a dusky actress of waning career (in other words, your devotee rendering disinterested ?;) service to you;) , then you ll land into trouble. So ,please ensure that there are no hidden cameras in your aquarium before venturing into any naughty games with a bimbette devotee;) because it is the untold rule of Indian fake Godmen Industry to have some beautiful apsaras around them and you should not be an exception, And I would love to tell you that in India, Swamiji's value shoots up as they get involved into more scandals and amass lots of property.:) and as the spokesperson of my beloved paulswami,I ll manage the situation by bribing the media and politicians . In India,everything is possible Swamiji.So, don't worry!
One more important thing paulji! Don't give Free darshan to anybody.That will downgrade you.We ll fix varying rates for your Darshan.
I feet Distance- 1 lac / min
2 feet -50,000/min
Western Press calls you Psychic paul, very rough,cruel and unkind adjective to describe you. In India,we ll elevate you to the status of Godman and will prefix adjectives like His Holiness etc..
What are you waiting for? Octopusji! Leave that Sealife Oberhausen Aquarium and come to India!
Future Spokesperson of Octoped paulji- Biped Padmananda assistantji!
OK! CU in next post!